Love never ends – in memory of Mum

September 5, 2018 at 5:48 am 15 comments

20 years ago today I walked down the aisle with my Dad to marry George.
We played this song as I walked in

Tomorrow I will walk down the aisle with my Dad to say farewell to my beautiful Mum. She died on the 18th August after bravely living with cancer and we were just not prepared for how quickly she would leave us.
Dad has chosen this song as we walk in.  I’m not sure how our legs will carry us but our shattered hearts threaded together as a family saying farewell will see us through.

Grief is a brutal process. There is very little space in the weeks that follow a bereavement with all the practical arrangements to be made. Feeling deeply or appreciating the depth of your loss, especially while parenting small children, is almost impossible. Eating and sleeping become things you just don’t seem to have time or need for.  Each day that passes in a whirl of ”stuff to do and calls to make” cruelly takes you further away from the memories of the precious last moments you desperately want to cherish and soak in.

20 years ago we included 1 Corinthians 13 in our wedding service and later found it comforting when we experienced the pain of miscarrying our first baby. It will be read at Mum’s funeral tomorrow as we focus on the love she had for us all and the legacy of love she leaves with us. ”Love long outlives us. The imprint of our love can’t be taken back; it marks the lives of those we encounter irreversibly” said a dear friend helping us to choose our readings.

Mum, you are so loved, so deeply missed and will always be remembered.

3 month old me and Mum (1975)

42nd birthday with Mum and Dad (2017)

(off to read my previous wedding anniversary posts now and hug George tightly)


Entry filed under: grief.

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15 Comments Add your own

  • 1. purplejennyrose  |  September 5, 2018 at 6:59 am

    Oh dearest Nic. Such brutally beautiful words. 1 Cor 13 was read at my Dad’s funeral and I hope the words can be a comfort again to you. The people we lose keep a place in us, even after years, through the love we shared with them. We grow around the gap. Hold each other close and may the love you share with G and your gorgeous boys be a balm through these days. xx

    • 2. Nip it in the bud  |  October 7, 2018 at 10:37 am

      ”we grow around the gap” – i love that Jenny thank you x

  • 3. mlegan  |  September 5, 2018 at 1:16 pm

    Nic I am so sorry to read this. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 21, so I know how painful it is. Hug your boys, and George, and be as gentle with yourself as you can. When the business settles, you will have time to feel and grieve in a different way, but she will always be in your hearts.

    • 4. Nip it in the bud  |  October 7, 2018 at 10:37 am

      It helps to know I’m not alone in the grief, thank you for reaching a gentle hand out to me x

  • 5. shaheen  |  September 9, 2018 at 1:12 pm

    Dear Nic. I am really sorry to learn and read of your mothers passing. Your words as always are never light and hold so much thought and feelings. I have no words, but please know that I am thinking of you my friend x

    • 6. Nip it in the bud  |  October 7, 2018 at 10:38 am

      thank you my friend, it continues to be difficult in other ways but we’re finding a new normal with Mum and life goes on with small ones to nurture

  • 7. Darren Coleshill  |  September 9, 2018 at 7:20 pm

    So sorry to hear of your loss

  • 9. Kate on thin ice (@kateonthinice)  |  September 12, 2018 at 9:11 pm

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. There are very few clever words for these times I know. In fact what helped me most was when a colleague of my husband’s said “I know” and she did and I do. Thanks for alerting me to this beautiful post.

    • 10. Nip it in the bud  |  October 7, 2018 at 10:39 am

      thank you Kate, the human heart can bear only so much and then some comfort comes in knowing it’s not just our own that is feeling the squeeze

  • 11. Jayne Hill  |  September 13, 2018 at 2:50 pm

    Oh, darling girl. I am so desperately sorry to read of your loss. There are no words that any of us can write to take away some of your pain.

    If it helps, think of the decades you have had with her, and the love she and Dad gave you which you are now able to pass on to your wonderful boys. Not everyone is blessed that way, so many children grow up in foster care, or in abusive families. Your dear friend is wise and clever: ”Love long outlives us. The imprint of our love can’t be taken back; it marks the lives of those we encounter irreversibly” beautiful words, and clearly so true in your Mum’s case. Will be thinking of you tomorrow, and in the future. xx

    • 12. Nip it in the bud  |  October 7, 2018 at 10:41 am

      thank you my friend. A month on and life is beautiful and agonising, ordinary and surreal. Having small ones to grow and nurture is the stark realisation that life goes on and E has been ill so there’s been little space for my own thoughts. It helps knowing I’m held in peoples hearts so thank you for letting me know that x

  • 13. debsrandomwritings  |  September 24, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    Hi Nic, I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you shared fond memories at your Mums funeral and that your tears of sadness were smattered with happy tears as you remembered her and all her quirks.

    Thank you for sharing at the #keepingitreal link up & sending huge, invisible hugs.


    • 14. Nip it in the bud  |  October 7, 2018 at 10:43 am

      the funeral was a beautiful and fitting tribute to a remarkably courageous woman, an inspiration to all of us. And yes there were tears and smiles and the tinkling of tea cups and hum of chatter as we all shared stories afterwards. Thank you for taking the time to visit, I hope to get back to #keepingitreal once I’m blogging again

  • 15. oldhouseintheshires  |  November 12, 2018 at 7:10 pm

    Ah Nic,
    I am sorry to hear about your mum. I hope the funeral went well and that you could all remember your mum with lovely memories. Take care. Xx


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About Nip it in the bud

Welcome to my blog about growing and cooking allotment veg since 2009 and growing sweet boys since 2012. Take a walk with us through our life in Gloucester with a boy, a baby and 3 cats.

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Joy summed up. Little brother sneaking a ride on big brothers @3stylescooters wheels after school drop off
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